Watching 11

More watching over Thanksgiving weekend—in person this time, not long distance. Miscellaneous reflections:

On asking for forgiveness: Romans 3:23. We're all assholes.

Our tragedy is the hospice nurses' job. What is for us a massive disruption, a giant rip in the fabric of our lives, is for them one stop in their daily routine.

I hate the metaphor of "fighting." Terminal illness isn't a war to be won; it's a natural process taking its course. Why should she be made to feel that she needs to be "a fighter"? That she needs to "be brave"?

You stay up watching because it makes you feel like you're doing something when you know in fact there's nothing you can do.

Watching makes me a witness—the connection is right there, in the visual metaphor. But to whom am I witnessing? And what for?

Watching 10

God answered me in the day of my distress,
and was with me in the way I went.
(Genesis 35:3)

Watching 9

Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I
when my heart is overwhelmed.
From the end of the earth
I will cry to you,
for you have been my shelter.
I will trust in the covert of your wing.
(from Psalm 61)

Watching 8

I will send you the Comforter,
which shall teach you the way
whither you should go.
Therefore, fear not.
(D&C 79:2, 4)

Watching 7

Remember the promises that were made to you:
that God would extend his arm and support you,
and be with you in every time of trouble.
(D&C 3:5, 8)

Watching 6

The life of my servant will be in my hand.
I will go before you, and I will be your rearward.
(3 Nephi 21:10, 29)

************

God of life and death—

It seems that a crisis has passed,
but we are all still waiting for the end.
I don't know whether to ask you to take her,
so that her suffering will end,
or for you to give her the time
to do whatever she still desires to do.

I'm understanding why silence can be prayerful—
real honest-to-God silence,
not talking to you voicelessly in my head and calling it silence.

So I'm silent.
That is my prayer.



























In Christ's name, amen.

Watching 5

I will go before you and be your rearward.
(D&C 49:27)

I will bear you up as on eagle's wings.
(D&C 124:18)